Category Archives: Lurve slash Sex

Don’t pump too hard

The inflatable condom patent is no longer pending.  Whilst not quite as dangerous as this lil’ beauty, it begs the question, is a bit of extra air worth the risk?

inflatable-condom

 

This rubber provides extra girth when you need it. But don’t just pump, and, well, pump. A well placed squeeze can do wonders. This jimmy hat can be “repetitively inflated and deflated at desired times,” much like the man’s ego when he’s told, “Yes, I want to sleep with you, but can we do something about that anorexic worm you call a penis?”

Advertisements

Ink your Soul Canvas with True Love Tattoos

I’m always keeping my ear to the ground for new fads, and this one is a doozy from True Love Tattoos

heart

True love tattoos offers you a brand new way to really express your love for that special someone.  Don’t ink your skin like everyone else, ink your heart. or as we refer to it, your soul-canvas. So, do you really love your partner as much as you say?

Here’s your chance to prove it.

sincerely,
Dr. Valentin Vikunjevski

Excited?  Are you ready to schedule a date, and have picked out your heart tattoo?

Well, big fat bummer.  It’s only a viral PR exercise by Swedish band, Vikunja, for the release of their song ‘Some People’.  The FAQ page evokes a chuckle.

Sex that’s good for the environment

This is a green bandwagon we should all be happy to jump on for a ride.  Ahem.  Check it out, there are pictures and everything.  Ken and Barbie get down and dirty, and green. 

Aerosmith may have thought having sex in an elevator was something to sing about, but what about sex in a green vehicle? Today’s quest for low emissions and high efficiency has brought us yet another obstacle to overcome: How to have sex in a small green vehicles, such as the Chevy Aveo or Mini Cooper. These more-efficient vehicles are great, sure, but how can a couple fit so much, er, love into a cool-yet-compact vehicles? Generally narrow in the cockpit with an obtrusive shifter in the center and low ceiling height, it’s clear these machines were not designed for this type of adventure.

So what’s a horny ‘Hugger to do? Read on for our illustrated guide to doin’ it well in a small car.

Position #4: The When-All-Else-Fails Missionary

Barbie Green Compact Vehicle Backseat Missionary Sex Photo
Wearing one sequined glove can help with much-needed gripping power in this position. However, wearing a golden bandoleer may blind or distract your partner during certain key maneuvers.

Photo credit: Marisa Harris

Jennifer Aniston thinks Angelina Jolie is Uncool

It’s taken ages for Jennifer Aniston to talk about Angelina stealing her then husband, Brad Pitt.  But she does so in December’s Vogue, finally talking about how “uncool” Angelina is for telling all in an interview in a previous issue of Vogue; outlining detailed timelines of her and Brad’s affair on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith, while Brad was still living with and married to Jen.

When I ask her about Angelina Jolie, Aniston asks me to turn off the tape recorder for a moment. Suffice it to say, if there is never any love gained in the first place, there can be no love lost. But she did want to put a few things on the record. (Funnily enough, they involve some of the same issues brought up by the recent profile of Jolie in The New York Times, in which she talks about falling in love on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.) She asks me if I ever saw a cartoon that appeared in the New York Post a couple of years ago that depicts Aniston talking on the phone in her kitchen. The bubble over her head says, HI ANGELINA…I DECIDED TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER OF A “SIT-DOWN TALK.”…In the drawing, Aniston is loading a shotgun, and there is a copy of Vogue sitting next to her. (The cartoon was inspired by an interview I did with Jolie for this magazine in January 2007 in which she said she would welcome the opportunity to “sit down” with Aniston.) Someone sent Aniston the cartoon (“the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,” she says), and afterward, she could not resist the urge to buy a copy of Vogue to see what the fuss was about. What really rankled Aniston about the piece was that Jolie felt the need to recount a detailed timeline of exactly how her relationship developed on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, while Aniston was still married to and living with Pitt. “There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening,” says Aniston. “I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss.” Aniston, still galled, shakes her head in disbelief. “That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool.”

gallery_main-1111_jennifer_aniston_vogue_03

I’ve always been Team Jen.  I don’t forget that only a few short years ago Jolie was wearing vials of blood round her neck and shooting heroin like it was a vitamin supplement.  Team Aniston all the way. 

That Angelina has no class, regardless of how many little foreign babies she adopts.   As for that big fat pretty cheater, Brad – karma will come back to bite his ass, and not in the good way.

Karmachick sells Moron’s ring before Skanky Ho can get her hands on it

Oo.  Trademe auctions can be so complex.  This one has a long story, but a simple message.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  Buy a new ring, Moron.

moronring2

*All proceeds go to Ronald McDonald House*
After being with my boyfriend of 8 Years (who shall now be referred to as moron) proposed to me while we were on holiday together. The moron did his best to be romantic and to his credit didnt do a half bad job of it and I agreed to marry the moron. A couple of months before getting engaged, being the good person I am, I suggested to moron that once a month we should donate our time at a centre(that shall remain nameless) that looks after animals. It was at this place that we first met the woman who I shall now refer to as “Skanky Hoe”.

Continue reading

Unique online proposal

Dave really loves Elizabeth.  Follow his unusual wedding proposal via a website

If you want your own husband, but don’t date a web programmer, why not try out this virtual husband.  He offers you almost everything you get from the real thing.  Never feel alone again!

10 Things your Dad never told you about sex

These 10 things are the stuff little boys don’t get told about, when Daddy gave the birds and bees talk, that he really should’ve mentioned.

How did you learn about the finer points of sex? Maybe you watched that awkward sex education video that was filmed a good 20 years before your time and made sex out to be a clinical and methodical process.

 

#2 – Only 1 in 400 men can give themselves oral sex

While it’s not surprising that only 1 man out of every 400 has the size and/or flexibility to perform fellatio on themselves, what is really embarrassing is that most of, if not all of, the 400 men have tried to give themselves oral. I find it a slap in the face to evolution that men created the wheel, flew to the moon, invented electricity and learnt to fly, yet they still attempted to suck themselves off in the bathroom. If you’re laughing while you read this, then chances are you’ve tried this yourself. If you have a smug grin on your face while you read this, then maybe you should consider a career in porn.