Category Archives: Hmmn?

A grave statement

Some of us don’t like to go quietly.

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Fush-n-Chups: Tongue-n-Cheek

Tis only a blog, people.  Relax.  If I had a dollar for every time I made a stupid, stinky joke about beautiful, unique, sulphurous Rotorua, I’d have like $49 or thereabouts.

An Australian couple has upset Kiwis with an online expat guide which warns that Auckland is a “horrible soulless city” and its inhabitants are “hobbits” who cannot dress properly.

The anonymous duo have used their website, fushnchups.co.nz, to attack their new home across the Tasman, rubbishing everything from the country’s beer to its major cities and lack of worldliness.

The couple also trashed Rotorua, a popular tourist destination famed for it sulfuric activity, saying it “absolutely stinks”.

“It smells like the whole town let rip at once,” they say on the site, set up as a guide for Australians contemplating making a move over the ditch.

“Can blokes (in Rotorua) get away with letting out a silent-but-deadly in bed next to the missus?” they ask.

Admit it.  That silent-but-deadly joke about Rotos has made you snigger since 1984.  Hardly an “attack” on our nation.  Who are these upset Kiwis that the media raves about, and where is their sense of humour slash ability to ignore trivial stuff they don’t like?

To the bloggers at Fush-n-Chups: kia ora and welcome to New Zealand, but how very dare you mention what we all know anyway.  You radicals.  Who do you think you are … foreigners with an opinion about your travels, prepared to share and blog in a semi-humorous manner?  Well, far be it from us Kiwis to greet you with anything other than contempt and label you “pathetically rude”.   Apparently, according to our media, and the 14 or so freaks who bothered to leave you minor hate mail in your comments section, we don’t agree with you.  Oh no, it seems we don’t like the cut of your jib.

I wanna know who you’ve shagged over in the tight-knit fuckcluster that is NZ mainstream media, cos you managed to upset them in only 11 posts.  Jeesh, you’d have thought it was a slow news day or somet.  Well, ka pai, I say.  Hope the traffic passed your way gets you mucho sponsorship and revenue. 

In no way have you upset or angered me, quite the contrary.  Your blog made me smile and semi-chortle whilst waving at hobbits.  I get you, so a very haere mai to you, we should share fush-n-chups one day (read: you buy).

These reactions make out like we live in a big bubble; refusing to acknowledge, or heaven forbid, laugh at our unique smallness.  Well, we don’t. Tis a bubble free zone. We all know Rotorua smells farty to the uninitiated, and that most folk driving on our motorways drive like asses.  And those of us who make it to other parts of the world understand only too well how our beer does taste slightly less beery than others.  Who cares?!  Take a joke N to the Z, welcome the Australians who seek to live here, either that or ignore their blog posts. 

As for Auckland tourism CEO, Graeme Osbourne, is he threatening our new Aussie immigrants?

“Maybe they’re just envious that Auckland recently rated ahead of every Australian city as a tourist destination,” Osborne said.

“They should get in touch with me personally and I guarantee I’ll change their impression.”

I wonder what revelationary Auckland tourist destination he guarantees will impress.  Anyone else think it’s about time Auckland had a thriving tourism industry beyond the Sky Tower, some penguins and a fabulous museum?  There isn’t even a hot hangi restaurant or Maori cultural event in this city to recommend to visitors.  Don’t get me started on the appallingly poor signage and lack of day pass public transportation options.

I may not agree with Fush-n-Chups on all points (aloha, we are the short trousered wearing cousins?!?!) but I don’t think the blog warrants a media onslaught with Kiwi ‘outrage’ based on the rants of a few.  Tis only a blog, people.  Tongue in cheek. Tis only a blog.

Some folk don’t deserve Google

This website is dedicated to answering the age old question; is Google making us all dumber? 

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Or is it just more obvious now we have the technology?

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The new happiest (and rather large) place on earth

Dubailand is the latest of many huge developments in the mix in Dubai at the moment. 

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At over 3 billion square foot in size, it’s possibly a little big to get around on a day pass.  There’s a shopping mall, a golf course, a snow arena, an equestrian club, a theme park, apartments with gardens inhabited by actual size dinosaurs, resorts, museums, restaurants and a theme park.   

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What a teensy iddy bitty 4 arena sports centre.  How embarrassing for Dubai.

Willie Jackson v Tony Veitch

How embarrassing.  Looks like Willie Jackson didn’t get the memo.  Duh Willie – doncha know that the only person allowed to talk about, and risk the right to a fair trial, is Tony Veitch.*  Du-uh. 

Jeesh, for a sick man, Tony has some paua, doesn’t he?  Either that, or he just has sheer nerve.  Balls of steel, brains of clay.

The real victim in this (remember: it ain’t poor, career-limited, shattered, mentally unstable Tony) seems to be the only one with the class to refrain from commenting publicly.  Although, to not hear from her is somehow starting to seem a tad unfair. 

Here Tony is, back in the saddle after landing a great media job, speed-talking on our telly box once more.  Now he has the chance to sway public opinion and work on redeeming himself to the great unwashed sports-lovers of this country.  But, I wonder how this risks the victim’s rights, and her expectation for a fair trial of her violent perpertrator. 

“In many ways, it felt like a trial as I knew the media, in particular, would be watching to see how I performed. It’s up to everyone else to judge that all I can say is that I loved every minute.”

That would so suit him, eh?  If we could just make that nasty real-life trial go away, and instead make this nervy, first-time back on the box, sports show be the trial … ahh, life would be so Veitchy keen. 

Can you imagine the stink he would make if his victim was to become a regular on our telly screens and newspaper columns, thanking all in sundry for their support during this difficult time?  It would be detrimental to his case, so does that mean that Veitch doing the same is advantageous to his case?  He’d no doubt sue, so what should she do?

Deaker said public response to Veitch’s appearance had been extremely positive. “People are just thrilled he has had the opportunity. Lots of people have been coming up to me saying `well done, the guy deserves a break’.”

It can’t be just me that sees the irony in a lot of people stating Veitch also deserves a break.  Surely Shirley!

I don’t want the guy to never work again, I just thought that I probably wouldn’t be seeing him on my big, shiny, moving image thingummy until the case was tried and there was some resolution to the whole shebang.   If he is convicted, what will Sky Sport say then about supporting a violent offender, will he remain on the show then, Murray?  Perhaps they are just using Tony and his extremely high, if not positive, profile.  Quelle surprise, tell me it ain’t so.

I don’t really care too much that he has managed to creep back onto our television, as I personally won’t watch him – thankfully he’s no longer reading the news, but I do care that his trial is fair, and that he is rehabilitated so he can be a healthy, contributing member of society.  A part of that rehab is acknowledging your weaknesses in order to improve upon them, taking your problems and owning them, having sincere remorse and an understanding of your issues that provides you the motivation to change. 

You also have to accept that people are going to have an opinion – particularly when you have a high profile job on the telly and you get outed as a basher who tried to be a husher for casher (see what I did there?), and that often times many opinions aren’t going to be favourable.  Duh.  Don’t they teach that as Fame 101? 

Until Veitch recognises that he isn’t the victim, that circumstances now, come of his own volition, that suing nay-sayers isn’t the way to get closure – he just isn’t going to gain respect from viewers or social commentators.  In fact, how will he ever be able to move on from this awful incident?  Tony is victimising himself and mega-insulting the real victim and other real victims of domestic violence.  Tres unattractive. 

Our justice system timetable totally sux, in that the trial is not planned till 2010, but I still maintain that for the sake of a fair trial, Tony should pipe down about his trauma-dramas until then; use the time to look at why this all kicked off, and what he can do to change himself and help others in similar situations.   His PR folk are killing him.  Glenda Hughes, too, needs to think about herself for just a lil’ ole minute or so.

Anyone wonder if Chris Brown will be back making number 1 tracks, shakin’ his thang all over the telly in a few months?

*And looney Paul Holmes.

Boy Racer crush gone bad

Don’t crush ’em!  Does anyone else think this is a total waste of resource?  Not to mention unnecessarily violent.  It ain’t the car that’s the problem, it’s the driver. 

The Government is looking at law changes to create a new boyracing related offence and may even give police powers to crush the cars of repeat offenders.

I think they should take cars off of repeat offenders, boy racers and drunk drivers.  Then they should sell the cars to pay for the cost of policing the crackdown.   And take off any of those ridiculous I have a small dick but I have a big bore exhausts.  Totally crush up those lousy loud buggers, foreshore.  But, don’t waste the rest of a perfectly good car.  Not when, as a planet, we ought to be looking at ways to get by without the damned things.  Aloha.

I dread to think what the boy racers will do instead on Saturday nights.  Anyone want to hazard a guess?

Marriage Proposal Fail

This is why you shouldn’t propose in public, in between the action of a major sporting event.

It all looks tres staged to me, apart from the sniggers from pro basketballer Tracy McGrady,  yip – they look totally sincere.