Fush-n-Chups: Tongue-n-Cheek

Tis only a blog, people.  Relax.  If I had a dollar for every time I made a stupid, stinky joke about beautiful, unique, sulphurous Rotorua, I’d have like $49 or thereabouts.

An Australian couple has upset Kiwis with an online expat guide which warns that Auckland is a “horrible soulless city” and its inhabitants are “hobbits” who cannot dress properly.

The anonymous duo have used their website, fushnchups.co.nz, to attack their new home across the Tasman, rubbishing everything from the country’s beer to its major cities and lack of worldliness.

The couple also trashed Rotorua, a popular tourist destination famed for it sulfuric activity, saying it “absolutely stinks”.

“It smells like the whole town let rip at once,” they say on the site, set up as a guide for Australians contemplating making a move over the ditch.

“Can blokes (in Rotorua) get away with letting out a silent-but-deadly in bed next to the missus?” they ask.

Admit it.  That silent-but-deadly joke about Rotos has made you snigger since 1984.  Hardly an “attack” on our nation.  Who are these upset Kiwis that the media raves about, and where is their sense of humour slash ability to ignore trivial stuff they don’t like?

To the bloggers at Fush-n-Chups: kia ora and welcome to New Zealand, but how very dare you mention what we all know anyway.  You radicals.  Who do you think you are … foreigners with an opinion about your travels, prepared to share and blog in a semi-humorous manner?  Well, far be it from us Kiwis to greet you with anything other than contempt and label you “pathetically rude”.   Apparently, according to our media, and the 14 or so freaks who bothered to leave you minor hate mail in your comments section, we don’t agree with you.  Oh no, it seems we don’t like the cut of your jib.

I wanna know who you’ve shagged over in the tight-knit fuckcluster that is NZ mainstream media, cos you managed to upset them in only 11 posts.  Jeesh, you’d have thought it was a slow news day or somet.  Well, ka pai, I say.  Hope the traffic passed your way gets you mucho sponsorship and revenue. 

In no way have you upset or angered me, quite the contrary.  Your blog made me smile and semi-chortle whilst waving at hobbits.  I get you, so a very haere mai to you, we should share fush-n-chups one day (read: you buy).

These reactions make out like we live in a big bubble; refusing to acknowledge, or heaven forbid, laugh at our unique smallness.  Well, we don’t. Tis a bubble free zone. We all know Rotorua smells farty to the uninitiated, and that most folk driving on our motorways drive like asses.  And those of us who make it to other parts of the world understand only too well how our beer does taste slightly less beery than others.  Who cares?!  Take a joke N to the Z, welcome the Australians who seek to live here, either that or ignore their blog posts. 

As for Auckland tourism CEO, Graeme Osbourne, is he threatening our new Aussie immigrants?

“Maybe they’re just envious that Auckland recently rated ahead of every Australian city as a tourist destination,” Osborne said.

“They should get in touch with me personally and I guarantee I’ll change their impression.”

I wonder what revelationary Auckland tourist destination he guarantees will impress.  Anyone else think it’s about time Auckland had a thriving tourism industry beyond the Sky Tower, some penguins and a fabulous museum?  There isn’t even a hot hangi restaurant or Maori cultural event in this city to recommend to visitors.  Don’t get me started on the appallingly poor signage and lack of day pass public transportation options.

I may not agree with Fush-n-Chups on all points (aloha, we are the short trousered wearing cousins?!?!) but I don’t think the blog warrants a media onslaught with Kiwi ‘outrage’ based on the rants of a few.  Tis only a blog, people.  Tongue in cheek. Tis only a blog.

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4 responses to “Fush-n-Chups: Tongue-n-Cheek

  1. That reaction is crazy after just 11 blog posts. And like you said, its a blog, only a blog.

    And the smell in Rotorua isn’t that bad, my home town, you get used to it.

  2. The registrant of fushnchups .co.nz lives in Timaru. Did they refer to us as Dorkland?

  3. But Auckland IS soulless. And most New Zealanders have terrible dress sense. Why do all the women here dress in maternity-wear?

  4. Snice – I love Rotorua’s unique smell. You def know you’re there, and after 2 days elapse you can’t believe how you can no longer smell it. How spesh is that?! Also, the cultural stuff is way rad. I think we should have a little Rotorua in all our main centres (as in tourists and locals can experience Maori art, language, kai, culture in Aucks or Wellington, how radical!)

    Me – I don’t think they even did. Jeesh, imagine the outrage had they done so! I think the bloggers reference the Hawkes Bay as their locale, but most visitors to NZ have to go through Aucks, so will have legit experiences, even if it’s just the Dorklanders at the airport 😉

    Blair – We even have a Soul(less) bar! Yes, that maternity wear fashion thang has hung around a while – it allows us non-pregnants to enjoy a rounded puku in private. Yes, privately, in my shirt, but publicly, my puku is relaxing in a rounded fashion. That rocks, even though baggy clothing is so LY.

    I’ve never been able to work out why NZ fashion is always a season behind the rest of the world. We are actually ahead in date and time, so you’d think that would mean our designers would be able to influence the rest of the world on the forthcoming season, but noooo, our shops are fully stocked with what was hot in NY or Paris circa 2006.

    Although, perhaps Blair – your current circumstances means you see maternity everywhere (and in double!)!

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