Hello, Auckland. You seem nice, but you can take your bloody hand off my leg.
I have five questions. Riddle me these, and then we can all go home. Slowly.
one: how come, having spent ten bajillion dollars on a central city makeover, it still only looks like your designers had a spare eighty bucks and spent half an hour in Bunnings?
two: how come you hate pedestrians so much? Can’t cross the road without waiting for a long while, in a blitzkreig of rain, with nothing to cower under. If lucky, will skidd A-over-kite on one of those yellow things by the cross lights.
three: where are all your street signs?
four: what’s so nice about Parnell? It looks to me like Parnell is going out of its way not to have a personality.
five: a lot of animal statues. Are you primitive heathen spellcaster fetishists? That’s only incidentally sexy.
Auckland hasn’t answered yet – probably still choking over it’s double mocha choca latte. Snap.