The letter in the pond

Who does this?

Second thoughts, it’s brilliant. Lita is currently burying bodies in the garden with pass-agg toned letters attached, outlining just how many nails broke/split/cracked whilst digging the damned hole.

Click after the jump to view a retyped version of the letter.

10th July 2003

To whom it may concern:

If you are reading this then I can only assume that you have removed the pond under which this note was buried.

Of course, as I am not around at the moment, I am not in a position to comment on why you may have chosen to remove the pond and, it is fair to say, that there could be any number of reasons for doing so. I will not try to list those potential reasons right now but there could be quite a lot of them. One of the more bizarre reasons could be that the removal of the pond was the direct result of a bite on the ankle from a Wildebeest, but I shall not speculate.

Anyways, I would like you to be aware that the digging of this pond and it’s subsequent filling with water and stocking with fish and aquatic plants took a considerable amount of personal effort. It’s not just the digging of the hole you know (although clearly that is a major part), but also the consideration that had to be given to the sitting of the pond, its shape and size, its location close to a convenient electrical supply, etc etc etc.

I have to admit that I am a bit miffed about all this. You have just destroyed (yes, I know its a strong word to use but there are principles involved here) something that took me a long time to do. If I came along and destroyed something that it had taken a long time for you to do then I think you would be a bit miffed as well, so just think on that.

Enough of this. Just get on with what it is you think you are doing, you snivelling pond destroyer.

Oh, and by the way, I hope your head falls off.

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