I have sex with my car

There’s a fruity little PDF doing the email rounds.  It’s an article from UK magazine, Closer, about a strange American lad named Jordan.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

Ahem.  It appears the article is true.  You can read here about how Jordan’s Dad knew about his son’s fetish but refused to put the brakes on it, and other automobile related euphemisms about car love.

Jordan has entered into discussion in the article’s online comments box, admitting he doesn’t always use a condom and that he felt the article made it sound “like I’m a wild car-rapist”.

Yo. I don’t think It’s ‘normal’ really, and also this story has some exaggerations of my statements… for example, I never said I used condoms. 😉 However, yeah, that car is sexy as hell and I have had sex with it. Besides, it’s not a lifestyle, it’s just my sort of sexuality. I have terrific friends and family, and it doesn’t matter what I tell them. Everyone has a ‘thing’, mine’s just bizarre… and I don’t usually talk about it, because who really needs to know? In day-to-day life this kind of thing doesn’t really even matter.

But I understand, It is pretty weird; but take it or leave it, it gets a lot of reactions, which is good for media.

-Jordan Witham


Well whatever, I understand your viewpoints. It’s just, some people get off on feet or bondage, I get off on cars. Big whoop, right?

This article makes it sound like I’m a wild car-rapist. In reality, I just love my cars a lot, and sometimes get kinky with ’em.

But Mr. ‘FreakPolice’… It doesn’t matter in day to day life. After talking to some people on the internet, I was approached to make a film about the subject. Free road trips across the US and film stuff was quite appealing, so I did it. Then, Closer saw the film and wanted to talk to me about it, then they wrote this. I’m not actively trying to push this on anyone. It just seems lots of media people like to talk about it.


33 responses to “I have sex with my car

  1. This is insane, hilarious and a little bit sad. But oh so bloggable!

  2. Good for him for being honest about it. I’d rather talk to him than to people who are going to automatically say “EWWWW” and shun him.

  3. I also love VW Beetles, but I have held back from any intimate actions with the exhaust pipe. I agree KC that Jordan is probably waaaaay more interesting than some of his critics.

  4. Huh. Why doesn’t he just fuck the seat cushions?

  5. rockinkillers

    ya this guy is fuckin nasty, y dosent he just get a hooker or someting instead of fuckin his car?

  6. luar biasa, salam untuk anda.

  7. hehehe

  8. I heard car make good lovers lol…

  9. should I go for the obvious hummer joke?

  10. Jesus Love u ….. Repent or U will go to hell
    JEsus is coming very soon …..

  11. does Jesus drive a Hummer though?
    If not then thanks but I’m not interested.

  12. should I go for the obvious ‘jesus is coming’ joke?

  13. Hey I fucked a car once, rolled it several times but this story is just good old fashion fiction to sell newspapers and magazines and guess what its worked.

    What even half sane person would advertise they fuck their car, there goes your career, job, wife friends for ever.

    People dont advertise they are gay because of the consequences, as if youd be perverted enough to advertise such a thing. helllloooo.

  14. HAHA! that was effin hilarious!

  15. spoonriveranthology

    Well, isn’t that nice…

  16. im left speechless. but to each his own!

  17. Great topic to get people’s attention congrats …


  18. Yeah u draw us with the sex with the car. LOL.

  19. haha seems like he is not a human being…kinda ALIEN !!!!!!!!!

  20. i’m left speechless. but to each his own!

  21. I guess you haven’t seen the videos on the internet of girls with gear shifts and hand brakes then. I was going to put the links up here, but they are very not work safe, so I’ve decided not to.

  22. طارق

  23. reallifedilbert

    HAHA, I read about this in one of the newspapers here I think, it takes all kinds I suppose…….


  24. pinstripebindi

    I don’t talk about it to everyone, I just made a movie and allowed a national magazine to interview me about it!

    Bizarre, but ultimately he’s not hurting anyone, I guess. I wonder if he has a name for the car?

  25. what you never fuked yer car ?

  26. Hmm…was condom being used? LOL

  27. How gross.
    Reminds me of a CEO I talk about on my blog.

  28. earl the butcher

    “about his son’s fetish but refused to put the brakes on it, and other automobile related euphemisms about car love.”

    Yeah, I was sure you going to drop the “drives him wild” line in there somewhere. Nice restraint.

  29. zeynepankara

    Awww… Lol.

  30. I heard of weird fetishes (bottle and a cup) but this one really takes the cake. At least, he keeps it real and speaks the truth.

  31. I saw the programme and loved it. Jordan is cool guy huy whom I’ve had contact with about his car sex as this subject is close to my heart. I love cars especially mine and yeah you can work out the rest yourselves. It’s not just men who can get off on cars.

  32. sick. just sick.

  33. I dont find it fictional at all,there are lots of people well I mean some people have a fetish about the car,I for one am potty about wet exhausts drops of water dripping out does me reminds of when I did a ford metro,it was handsome.Ohhhh happy days. Come on people at least its not touching minors.

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