Dancing with the Stars: Ep1 – Mother knows best

Due to personal issues (involving red wine, le opposite sex and dirty dancing) Lita was unable to watch the first ep of 2008 Dancing with the Stars on Tuesday night.  Never mind, it was safely recorded on a creaky ole video tape, all set to torment Lita’s cat whenever viewing time becomes available. 

Talk at the water-cooler today strongly resembled the following:

“Geeling is just gross and hideous – she has got to go.”

“Monty is totally hot and a great dancer.”

“Monty is hot, but his boobies look bigger than Nerida’s!”

“I hate that Devlin man.”

“Martin Devlin really impressed me.”

“Did you see how many times Stefano kissed the top of Temepara’s head?”

“Sione will smash him before the series is finished.”

“Suzanne Paul’s dance was cringe-worthy.”

“I missed it, got it on tape, did Suzanne say ‘hi Mum’ ?”

“I heard on George FM this morning that PU is really sick with a head cold, so he did brilliantly considering.”

“It would be nice if people could learn to pronounce Temepara before the next show.”

“I can’t stop yawning, that damn show is on too damn late.”

“Me and my boyfriend are hooked already, sad but true.”

So it looks like Lita missed a good show.  Sigh.  Luckily, Lita’s Mother decided to expand her role from a regular BOTS commenter to a one-off DWTS recap writer.  

Check out my Ma’s take on the first episode of Dancing with the Stars 2008. 

(Lita: Tis all true.  The following text is all my Mother’s words – I didn’t even add any swearies.  My comments are in italics.)

Cory Hutchings and Rebecca

Cory and partner Rebecca Nicholson danced the ChaChaCha. And I thought them very good. I’m no judge, but I do know what I like, and they were very pleasing on the eye. However, Craig Revill-whatever-his-last-name-is said Cory did not have co-ordination! I felt they were pretty good, considering they were the first couple to grace the floor with their presence.

Score: 23

(Lita: Isn’t ‘pleasing on the eye’ such a pleasing term? Nice work Mother.) Geeling Ng and BrianGeeling and her partner Brian Jones danced the Waltz. Geeling told Jason Gunn that her good friend David Bowie, whom she starred in the video of ‘China Girl’ with, would be sure to say to her “to go on and be the star that you are” ….. puhlease – spare us!! Craig said the dance was “rubbish”, Brendan agreed with him. Stop the press! This has gotta be the first time those two have agreed on anything. And I agreed with them. Paul was not overly happy, but Alison thought Geeling was “sweet” and Candy said she was “proud of her”. Mind you, Candy said that about all of them by the end of the show. Thankfully, Candy didn’t say Geeling was “sweet” and Alison didn’t say Geeling was “candy”!

Score: 17

(Lita: Nice play on words Mum. I think. I’m pretty sure I have heard Geeling mention her good pal Bowie several hundred times before, poor David, how he must cringe.)

Monty Betham and Nerida

Monty and Nerida were the third couple on the floor, dancing the ChaChaCha. The black vinyl pants Monty wore were a wee bit harsh on the eye, it looked as if they didn’t allow for lots of movement. Monty’s hot pink mesh net tank top got hooked up with Nerida’s top and had it happened during their dance routine, it could’ve spelt trouble, but with true professional style, Nerida managed to unhook herself, and set Monty ‘free’. Paul said that Monty can dance. Alison thought he has “groove”. Craig thought “bump and grind” was more the case, and said it made him recall being in a rather not so nice night club in Invercargill!! Monty showed how they ‘moved’ in that night club, and Candy cracked the joke, we’ve not yet seen the “Full Monty”.

Score: 23

(Lita: Invercargill you say?! Wicked. Who’d have thunk it. I reckon Candy is gonna crack that ‘Full Monty’ joke for as long as Monty is in the show. Which will be to the end, cos he is a sports fulla.)

Martin Devlin and Lauren

Up next was Martin Devlin and partner Lauren De Brock performing the Waltz. Jason introduced Martin as a broadcaster, and in the intro when Martin talked about himself, Jase said Marty “talked it down” meaning his performance on the dance floor. Martin was scathing of himself, and Lauren admitted “he’s not a natural”. Well, you don’t say Lauren, I think you may be wrong there girl. I was really surprised at just how well Marty did. And I wasn’t the only one, Alison said likewise and Craig said he did a great job. Paul asked if Marty liked dancing, as he said he needs to “feel it”. Personally, I was really impressed, as of everyone in the competition, I think Marty is the one out on a ‘limb’ (no pun intended!). He is the only one who is not a professional sportsman/woman, or actor/actress, or entertainer, and he had a nice smile the whole dance, as did his partner. So well done you. Best he’s ever looked, not his usual pale faced self. Though, his usual sense of wicked humour reared it’s head, when Jase announced at the end that next week starts the process of elimination. There was a loud shout calling out Monty’s name, and true to form, it was Marty who was the culprit!! Still, the look of shock on Jason and Candy’s faces was priceless, they didn’t know what to make of it.At the end of the night, when all the couples dance together, Marty proved Lauren is right, he is not a natural. The way he threw those long lanky arms and legs around showed that!

Score: 21

(Lita: Oo, I can’t wait to see this bit on the vid the most. In fact, Marty might get a few rewinds out of this one. I’m starting the ‘Keep Marty Dancing’ fan club now, before I even view the vid.)

Tina Cross and Aaron

Tina Cross and Aaron Gilmore were next to dance the ChaChaCha. Jason mentions “Tina’s a great entertainer and Showgirl”, and although Tina says she’s never had dance lessons or training, she is certainly good at it. When she did the splits in the dance routine, she belies her age of late 40s. As she said, she’d like to think she’d encourage women in that age group to go out with their husbands dancing, and she’s on the right track. Brendan offered them his congratulations, but … then proceeded to tell them all the things they did wrong. Well that got Craig’s dander up! Paul said they were “terrific”. Craig said they were “amazing” and he couldn’t agree with Brendan – I knew it was too good to be true with those two agreeing earlier on, so there was a battle of words between them. Jason had to call “time out”, and Alison eventually got to say she thinks Tina has a huge personality. When they were backstage, Candy said that during the break, Tina said she liked to see the judges scrap, well they certainly put on a show for her! And to prove his point, Craig gave them a 9!! The first of the evening. I thought they did okay myself.

Score: 32

(Lita: Oh Mater, it makes me laugh so hard when you say ‘okay’, not to mention ‘dander’. Tina Cross was in her late 40s when I was a child. And I had no idea she used to work at Showgirls.)

Peter Urlich and Hayley

Then came Peter Urlich and Hayley Holt. They danced a Waltz, which was very nice indeed. Peter made a comment about being inspired by his Dad and Mum dancing, it was a lovely image to keep in mind. The dry ice at the beginning of the dance spoilt it a bit, I couldn’t see their footwork. I was surprised the judges didn’t mention it, however once it dissipated, their lovely movements were there to be enjoyed. Craig had a few comments to make about Peter’s right hand, saying it was “ugly” – nothing like telling it how it is eh? Alison thanked them for their “elegance”. Paul said his “heart stopped”. Brendan said that they “understood the dance”, and they were just so “bloody marvellous”. His score reflected that, as he gave them a 9. Paul did too.

Score: 34

(Lita: Pitter patter heart splatter, Hayley is a hottie and more of a celebrity than many of the other so called top notes. I told John Campbell to copyright that ‘bloody marvellous’ thang before some two-bit dirty dancer took it over, did he listen, did he heck.)

Temepara George and Stefano

Temepara and Stefano Oliveria danced a ChaChaCha next. I could be wrong, but I thought there was a ‘slip’ by Temepara, I guess it would be referred to as ‘bad footwork letting her down’ had she been on the Netball Court. Apart from that little oops, they did a good job of it, I felt. Paul’s advice to Stefano was not to “out dance” her. He thought their routine was ok. Bendan was however “excited” by the great ChaChaCha! Alison said “nice work”. Craig said it was a “very sexy opening”, said it could almost “make a gay man straight”. Mmmmmmmm!

Score: 29

(Lita: I definately want to watch these two on tape after what I heard at le water-cooler today. The score seems quite low after all those compliments.)

Miriama Smith and Jonny

Last but not least, Miriama and Jonny Williams took to the floor dancing, in my opinion, an excellent Waltz. Miriama said she wanted to have “fun”. Jason said it was “wonderful dancing” and a very good speech Miriama made. Alison said it was “elegant” and “very beautiful”. Craig agreed with Alison (what has happened to him? did somebody give him a Mr Nice pill?!!) and said he had “no complaints”. Brendan said “very well done” although he also said they “smiled all the way through it even though it was a sad song”. Miriama replied she thought it was “tears of joy”. She could be right I guess. Paul thought it was “spot on”. So Alison, Craig and Paul gave them a 9! It did no harm them being the last couple onto the floor.

Score: 35

(Lita: Am I wrong for not knowing who Miriama Smith is?)


Miriama is number one this week, with Geeling last. I hope David Bowie’s ‘star’ is on the rise! I voted for Marty.

Lita, can I expect the cheque in the post as payment for writing this thing?

(Lita: Ahem. Yes. The cheque is in the mail, maybe it will meet up with the last one. Thanks Mum!)


10 responses to “Dancing with the Stars: Ep1 – Mother knows best

  1. Come on folks, where’s all the “accolades” I was so sure I’d get for the “masterpiece” of writing of my critique of DWTS. I forgot to mention that on the “Good Morning Show” today, Craig said he was so surprised at the high standard of the dancers this time, no politicians or mayors on the show. And even better, NO Paul Holmes!. Holmes!!!

  2. I nominate Lita’s mum as a judge on the next DWTS!

  3. Mum – Ha! Accolades indeed.

    Louise – Oh no, do you really think you should encourage her? Ha, and it makes me laugh when you say “okay” too. You did that on purpose.

  4. I tried my best to incorporate ‘dander’ but just couldn’t swing it.
    It has however become my word of the day.

  5. Louise, my work is done, if nothing else, I have “introduced” you to the word “dander”!. Ta also for the vote of confidence in my ability to talk a load of old rubbish, as the judges do on DWTS!!. Not sure I want to be “associated” with them actually, or should that be on the same “footing” as them?!.

  6. Oh no, I’ve just heard that man David Bowie’s name “dropped” again, this time on Campbell Live. There’s a group of Ukele players, yes, your read that right (hope that’s how it’s spelt). Seeming David has said to them too, “go on and be the stars that you are”!!. Come on David, get a life, or at least a new line of banter!!!.

  7. Mother, you are seeing David Bowie name-drops everywhere … get thee to a doctor urgently. This is just like that time in the late 80s. And we all know how that turned out.

  8. Miss Prozac doesn’t know… and she has a very vivid imagination. Especially after a few wines

  9. lita's mother

    Lita, I thought we told you never to mention that “time” ever again. I’ll forgive you this once, but you know what happens to “Big Mouths”!!.

  10. Oh Mum, it scares me when you start quoting back my BOTS posts to me.

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