Monthly Archives: February 2008

For those who have sons & those who are happy they don’t

Passed on to me from a mother who has a son.

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You find out interesting things when you have sons, like…

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3 year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.

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Leap year factoids

Thirty days hath September, April, June and November,

All the rest have thirty-one,

Excepting February alone,

Which hath but twenty-eight, in fine, till leap year gives it twenty-nine.

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You can read up on all the facts related to February 29th in the excellent Wikipedia entry.  My favourite factoid so far is that Feb 29th is also known as bissextile day.  Every day should have ‘sex’ in it, don’t you think?

Some more Leap Year bits: 

Big mouth

This is exactly what I would do if I had a mouth this big.

Dancing with the Stars: Ep1 – Mother knows best

Due to personal issues (involving red wine, le opposite sex and dirty dancing) Lita was unable to watch the first ep of 2008 Dancing with the Stars on Tuesday night.  Never mind, it was safely recorded on a creaky ole video tape, all set to torment Lita’s cat whenever viewing time becomes available. 

Talk at the water-cooler today strongly resembled the following:

“Geeling is just gross and hideous – she has got to go.”

“Monty is totally hot and a great dancer.”

“Monty is hot, but his boobies look bigger than Nerida’s!”

“I hate that Devlin man.”

“Martin Devlin really impressed me.”

“Did you see how many times Stefano kissed the top of Temepara’s head?”

“Sione will smash him before the series is finished.”

“Suzanne Paul’s dance was cringe-worthy.”

“I missed it, got it on tape, did Suzanne say ‘hi Mum’ ?”

“I heard on George FM this morning that PU is really sick with a head cold, so he did brilliantly considering.”

“It would be nice if people could learn to pronounce Temepara before the next show.”

“I can’t stop yawning, that damn show is on too damn late.”

“Me and my boyfriend are hooked already, sad but true.”

So it looks like Lita missed a good show.  Sigh.  Luckily, Lita’s Mother decided to expand her role from a regular BOTS commenter to a one-off DWTS recap writer.  

Check out my Ma’s take on the first episode of Dancing with the Stars 2008. 

(Lita: Tis all true.  The following text is all my Mother’s words – I didn’t even add any swearies.  My comments are in italics.)

Cory Hutchings and Rebecca

Cory and partner Rebecca Nicholson danced the ChaChaCha. And I thought them very good. I’m no judge, but I do know what I like, and they were very pleasing on the eye. However, Craig Revill-whatever-his-last-name-is said Cory did not have co-ordination! I felt they were pretty good, considering they were the first couple to grace the floor with their presence.

Score: 23

(Lita: Isn’t ‘pleasing on the eye’ such a pleasing term? Nice work Mother.) Geeling Ng and BrianGeeling and her partner Brian Jones danced the Waltz. Geeling told Jason Gunn that her good friend David Bowie, whom she starred in the video of ‘China Girl’ with, would be sure to say to her “to go on and be the star that you are” ….. puhlease – spare us!! Craig said the dance was “rubbish”, Brendan agreed with him. Stop the press! This has gotta be the first time those two have agreed on anything. And I agreed with them. Paul was not overly happy, but Alison thought Geeling was “sweet” and Candy said she was “proud of her”. Mind you, Candy said that about all of them by the end of the show. Thankfully, Candy didn’t say Geeling was “sweet” and Alison didn’t say Geeling was “candy”!

Score: 17

(Lita: Nice play on words Mum. I think. I’m pretty sure I have heard Geeling mention her good pal Bowie several hundred times before, poor David, how he must cringe.)

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Wodka wocks my world

This website is weally, weally fab.  May the truth prewail!

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Dancing with the Stars: Brendon and Craig up a tree

David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie

See, Geeling.  We can all name-drop when we need to.

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To read all the goss from the first ep of Dancing with the Stars 2008, check out NZ Reality TV.   Lita’s mother has threatened promised a quick recap once she recovers from Corey’s cuteness, remember to check back for that one.

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader called Abraham of Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot of Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called ‘Amazon Dot Com’.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband; ‘Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?’

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: ‘How, dear?’

And Dot replied: ‘I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).’

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete (look it up, it means to hide) himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.

They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that noone noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land.

And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: ‘Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.’

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known ‘eBay’ he said, ‘We need a name that reflects what we are.’

And Dot replied: ‘Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.’

‘YAHOO!’ said Abraham.

And that is how it all began.
Al Gore had absolutely nothing to do with it.