Monthly Archives: December 2007

Tick tock you don’t stop

This should be NZ’s number 1 this Christmas, in general, we should care more.  The number 1 Christmas single is big stuff in Europe and America.

Lita votes for Scribe and the beautiful voice of Tyra Hammond.  Nowt to do with the 4 x Christmas Eve vin rouge.  This tune is kickin’.

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May your snowblowing be reasonably safe and filled with flying ninjas

Click the pic below to open the Holiday-o-matic slot machine that creates delightfully random holiday greetings to send to your special someones.

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Chav Nativity Play, innit

For those of you who are missing England at this special time of year, here is the Chav Nativity Play to remind you why you live somewhere else. 

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THE CHAV NATIVITY

There’s this bird called Mary, yeah? She’s a virgin (wossat then?) She’s not married or nuffink, but she’s got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an’ that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She’s like ‘Oo ya lookin at?’ Gabriel just goes ‘You got one up the duff, you have.’ Mary’s totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large ‘Stop dissin’ me yeah? I ain’t no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!’So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who’s six months gone herself. Liz is largin’ it. She’s filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an’ that.

Mary an’ Joe ain’t got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an’ go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an’ Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an’ that. But there ain’t no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an’ Joe break an’ enter into this garridge, only it’s filled wiv animals. Cahs an’ sheep an’ that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They’re like ‘Respect, bay-bee Jesus’, an’ say they’re wise men from the East End. Joe goes: ‘If you’re so wise, wotchoo doin’ wiv this Frankenstein an’ myrrh?

Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?’

It’s all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an’ sez he’s got another message from this Lord geezer. He’s like ‘The police is comin an’ they’re killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.’ Joe goes ‘You must be monged if you think I’m goin’ dahn Egypt on a minging donkey.’

Gabriel sez ‘Suit yerself, pal. But it’s your look out if you stay.’ So they go dahn Egypt till they’ve stopped killin the first-born an’ it’s safe an’that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an’ Jesus turns water into Stella.

Is it Friday yet?

Let’s face it.  We are all totally bored, strawberrygate proves it, so we’re slowly, painfully counting down to Friday – bring on the holidaze!

Two emails woefully asking “Is it Friday?” arrived today.  Everyone is feeling the same*.

Check out the clever IsitFriday website.

Then have a chortle at the bubby who really doesn’t know what it’s like to ask “Is it Friday?” 185,362,042 times in his life, yet demonstrates the look so aptly.

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*Lita is prone to exaggeration.  In this case, there really was only 2 emails, however a total of 2 emails saying the same thing Lita feels is plenty enough data to conclude that this week is bloody slow.  (See above pic, I’m pulling that face.)

Global Orgasm Day 07

Only 2 days, 1 hour, 13 minutes, 47 seconds to go till Global O Day! 

Countdown continues on GlobalOrgasm for the annual Global Orgasm for Peace ‘event’ being held at a set time on 22nd December (7:08pm Saturday night our time, how handy!)

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Oh yes! Every day should be O day.

Cancel the strawberries

Forget the country being divided by the utter mess that is the Electoral Finance Bill, the real debate rages here and it’s all about chocolate dipped strawberries.

Is telling someone they were bottle-fed till their late teens really an insult?  Wouldn’t it be more controversial and ickier to allude to their continuing breast milk addiction?  

It was then that Ms (Margaret) McHugh started a personal attack on Ms (Hayley) Johnstone. “Get into the real world young lady … Re rudest email tells me once again you are not in the real world and haven’t fully matured but it will happen. You were probably bottle feed till late teens …

“And you thought my first email was rude. I expect you still believe in Santa Clause.”

After receiving multiple forwards of the Gourmet Food Store vs Ray White Events Management strawberrygate email, Lita decided a survey of the clever rocket scientists at work would help foster understanding and bring about some clarity: 

19% believe Margaret was right to get frustrated at Hayley’s incessant requests for information, but 97% of those don’t think she should’ve put it in an email.

41% think Hayley and Margaret should fight it out in a wrestling ring full of strawberries and chocolate, the one who dips the most doesn’t have to apologise to t’other. 

58% think “Beef and hornradish bon bons in filo” are a revolting thing to serve at a corporate Christmas luncheon anyway.

29% wouldn’t list their house with Ray White either, although this was nowt to do with Hayley’s lacking skillset in event management.

91% admitted to having been bottle-fed until their late 20’s.  Tres common practice in rocket science circles. 

3% believe chocolate dipped strawberries to be so very last year.

18% admitted to enjoying the movie The Santa Clause.

Today, news has emerged that Margaret is reknowned for her engaging email presence and other email examples of her unique customer service skills are now doing the rounds.

Lita doesn’t care.  No matter what you say, I’m not sitting next to Hayley at the Christmas lunch, she screwed up the food order.  There will be spit in that girl’s catered food for the rest of her days.

Click after the jump to see the full email as sent to Lita yesterday morning.

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Kitten vs Husky

This kitten has balls, and the husky has mega patience.