Today’s email trawl proves our tall poppyism is alive and well, in fact, it’s thriving. Someone must be a little jealous of *Fluffy and his allrounder abilities, however, their envy makes for a bitingly funny and ever so clever with words email.
* Richie’s Wikipedia entry is a little lacking, but Lita did delight in seeing his nickname reported as ‘Fluffy’. Can anyone confirm this? Too delicious.
ALL BLACKS Captain & No. 7 Richie McCaw is so tuff that…
When Richie McCaw does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
When Richie McCaw goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Richie McCawed.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Richie McCaw.
Richie McCaw counted to infinity – twice.
Richie McCaw invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Richie McCaw’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Richie McCaw gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Richie McCaw can slam a revolving door.
Some kids p*ss their name in the snow. Richie McCaw can p*ss his name into concrete.
Richie McCaw’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; No-one fools Richie McCaw.
Richie McCaw can speak Braille.
Richie McCaw’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of Richie McCaw pyjamas.
Richie McCaw owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1993 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Richie McCaw sleeps with a night light. Not because Richie McCaw is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Richie McCaw.
Once a cobra bit Richie McCaw’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Richie McCaw divides by zero.
When Richie McCaw exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Richie McCaw doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now”.
Richie McCaw sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Richie spear-tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Richie McCaw can kill two stones with one bird.
Richie McCaw once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression “Sh**ing bricks” wasn’t just a figure of speech.
The only time Richie McCaw was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.